REASON #1125

Live, from New York! It's Saturday Joke Club!

An armed Miami Herald cartoonist with a grudge against his editor stormed the paper's headquarters Friday. Nobody was hurt, and he was apprehended when a quick-thinking policewoman offered to let him kick a football, and then pulled it away at the last second, rendering him immobile.

Liza Minelli and Joel Grey will reunite in February to sing hits from their classic film, "Cabaret." The reunion will be followed by a marriage, a divorce, abuse claims, and scotch, scotch, scotch.

A 53-year-old California woman is taking Cablevision to court, in an attempt to find out who posted her phone number as part of a fake online sex ad. The woman called the ad, "Disgusting and untrue. For example, I'm into riding crops and leather restraints, not whips and chains. Get your facts straight."

Mr. Tom Bartos. That's all, nothing else.

(Mr. Tom Bartos, free as the breeze.)

It seems OJ fever has gripped the nation. Celebrities everywhere are now writing tell-all books about how their lives could've been different, if they did certain things. You got Nicole Richie's, "If I Ate It." There's Snoop Dogg's, "If I Smoked It." And curiously enough, the one that looks to be the biggest seller, Steven Hawking's, "If I Smacked It on the Ass and Doused It in Gordito Sauce."

Did you see the picture of those turkeys waiting for a train at a New Jersey station? Yup, actual farm-raised turkeys had somehow escaped their coop and were waiting for on out-bound train. No one knows where they were going, but someone overheard one of them talking about (in a NJ accent) "teaching that Borat a little respect." (pause) I have no idea what that means.

I wanna thank Lorne, the writers, My Chemical Romance, and this amazing cast. Good night!