REASON #1130

Oh, Mama, can this really be the end? To be stuck inside of NABLOPOMO with the Joke Club blues again...

The World Health Organization released a study on obesity in Africa this week, revealing that more than one-third of African women and a quarter of African men are estimated to be overweight. "My bad," replied Sir Bob Geldolf.

Lindsay Lohan was spotted attending an AA meeting near her Los Angeles apartment. Turns she was only there because she thought "Alcoholics Anonymous" was a place where she could get tanked without anyone recognizing her.

New Jersey middle school gym teacher Amy Burke pleaded guilty to sleeping with one of her students yesterday. When asked how such a thing could happen, she replied that all she did was tell the kid to give her 20 laps, and it kind of went downhill from there.

Yes, folks, this is it. We did it. 30 straight days of jokes, jibes, japes, and jack-foolery. But it takes a village to fill a month with "In a related story"-ses and "A new study states"-ses. And it takes villagers like Mr. Greg Barkhamer. Do that voodoo that you do, B-Hamma:

(Mr. Greg Barkhamer, crip-walking off into the sunset.)

Keisha Castle-Hughes plays the Virgin Mary in the new film The Nativity Story, about the birth of Jesus. News broke that Castle-Hughes was pregnant weeks before the film's global release. The 16 year old actress said, "Yeah, I was surprised." Even more surprised was her 15 year old boyfriend who said he never got past second base and isn't buying that "immaculate conception" line.

A new study has found that young people who play violent video games show increased activity in areas of the brain linked to emotional arousal and decreased responses in regions that govern self-control. Apparently the fight or flight response is activated after playing a like Grand Theft Auto. One gamer responded that it wasn't true and said "It's easily fixed, you just press up, up, down, down, square, X, Triangle."

In the news today, Snoop Dogg was brought in on Drug and Gun charges again. Pam Anderson filed for divorce from Kid Rock again. Tracey Morgan was arrested on a DWI again. Also in other news that may not surprise you, poop smells, the grass is green, and Willie Nelson smokes pot.

True 'dat, true 'dat true-doo 'dat, 'dat, 'dat. Mr. Tom Bartos, what do you have to say about all of this?

(Mr. Tom Bartos, tanned, rested and ready.)

Now it seems Britney Spears and Paris Hilton are BFFs. Pictures of their night out together are all over the Internet, especially a few featuring Britney minus her underwear. Now I'm no expert, and it might be too soon to tell, but looking at those pictures...I think winter's gonna end early next year.

I naturally couldn't have done it without my lovely wife, Ms. Kayla Cagan. Actually, I can't do it with anyone but my lovely wife, or I get the old rolling-pin upside the head. Kiki, give it to us straight!

(Ms. Kayla Cagan, giving it to us. Straight.)

A homeowners' association in southwestern Colorado has threatened to fine a resident $25 a day until she removes a Christmas wreath with a peace sign that some say is an anti-Iraq war protest or a symbol of Satan. In response, the resident is hanging an anti-fine wreath hoping for a $25 a day reduction.

And that, thank G-d, is that. Special thanks to contributors Mr. Zac Whinnem, Mr. Bryan Mason, Ms. Maggie Mason, Mr. Matt Cappiello, Mr. Dan Trujillo, Mr. Richard Robichaux, Mr. Neil Potter, Ms. Korky Vann, and Mr. Matty Wiacek. Also, thanks to you, humble readers, if there were in fact, you know, any. And finally, thanks to Fussy.org for making this all possible. Good-bye, farewell, and Amen.